. . . So You Want to be a Games Journalist?

When a PR scandal reaches the stage at which it is seen as a fit topic for late night new journatainment you know you have a hot-button issue for sure...

No, you want to get paid to play and review video games?

No no! You want to get paid to report on the goings on in the games industry?

No no no! Nooooo! What you really want is to get paid to play video games and write Walkthrough Guides for them!

Or perhaps it is some of the above? All of the above?

The Wages of Sin . . .

If so, it probably will not surprise you to learn that a lot of games journalists spend years working their way up the ranks from the bottom, beat-by-beat, with those very goals in mind.

The ones who attain those goals get there through hard work.

Their journey usually begins by writing in the trenches, where they pay their dues earning considerably less than a living wage and take any paid gigs that they can get.

As their goal is to begin the process of honing their craft, finding their voice, and eventually building a legitimate portfolio to represent them to editors who might be interested in offering them a gig or, more likely, a freelance commission for a specific project.

The new freelancer must accomplish the above, all the while avoiding the plethora of traps and evil editors out there both online and in print who want nothing more than to obtain your services gratis - and they will tell you any lie that works to get you to write for them. Lies that include possible future pay based on the traffic your piece generates, or a share in the site revenue “once it is established” of course.

Among the more often told promises are help refining your craft, and editorial guidance in obtaining the sort of skills and focus that is required for these beats. Of course that guidance rarely appears in any other form than another assignment for which you are paid in experience only.

The inexperienced are unaware that this song and dance of writing for the experience or to build a portfolio is just that - a song and dance. The editors at the sites and publications that do pay for the projects and pieces that they commission know which publications and sites induce their writers to churn out copy for no fee and they don't consider a portfolio built around those pieces of any value at all.

At least part of the reason for that has to do with the quality - actually the lack of quality - that those pieces will possess. Because the “editors” for those sites and publications are not interested in helping you to create a high-quality piece that presents your skills in the best light -- they are only interested in generating volume to fill the pages of their site/pub in order to generate ad revenue and hits, gain a better spot with the search engines, and make money.

Veteran games journo and Giant Bomb co-founder Jeff Gerstmann ended up losing his job at GameSpot for a negative review of 2007's Kane & Lynch: Dead Men - an event that we are pretty sure he never actually saw coming. Getting the sack for an honest review is not how the system of ethics in games journalism is supposed to work...

. . . are Swag, Free Meals, and Risking your Reputation

That duly noted, it will probably not surprise you that many writers just starting out seek and take advantage of any perceived shortcuts that they can find along their own personal journey towards getting established.

In fact that attitude and ignorance of the process and industry are what the unscrupulous editors use and count on to get writers to work for free! Have you head the expression you cannot con an honest man? Well the same thing goes for honest writers.

Taking shortcuts or working for free to build a portfolio rarely ever leads to legitimate gigs, because the editors you actually want to work for are not impressed by what amounts to barely edited first--and-second-draft pieces that are accepted by the fly-by-night editors who are all promises but never deliver on them.

Look at it from the legitimate editor's point-of-view for a moment: the work you are listing in your portfolio is not very good largely because the publication you created it for does not care about quality - only quantity. And then there is the point that if you are willing to work for free for those editors, why should a legitimate editor pay you? After all even you don't believe your art is worth anything - otherwise you would not be giving it away, right?

Never Work for Free

Legitimate editors understand the concept of “just starting out” - that is why they make allowances for newbies and offer them extra guidance in the creation of early projects.

A legit and professional editor will not accept what amounts to a rough draft from you as finished copy. They will instead kick it back to you with the problems noted, and a list of suggestions. Re-writing is a staple for the aspiring writer - get used to it. Well, get used to it if you are working for a legitimate outlet.

The good news is that there is method in play here. Once you actually come to recognize the common mistakes that get a piece kicked back for re-write, you will stop making those mistakes. Your quality in writing will go up, and you will find the process gets easier. It is a self-correcting process you know? If you don't learn from your mistakes that will not be a problem, since those editors will stop offering you gigs.

When you are a games journalist it shouldn't matter whether you keep your bits inside or they dangle.  Right?  Right?  After all games journalism is all about knowledge, expert opinion, and how well you know your games and have found your voice as a journalist - not what sort of reproductive organs you possess.  Right?  Right?

Advice-Seeking Emails

It's fair to say that a vast majority of the brothers and sisters of the gaming pen will consider any advantage they can to attain a boost - up to and including shortcuts, nepotism, or help from a sympathetic member of the Fourth Estate's Gaming Cabinet who has already secured elevation to the flag ranks of games journalism and so could - should they choose to - put in a good word for them.

Sadly that sort of advancement - jumping the queue if you will - rarely ever works out to be either in the benefit of the writer getting the unnatural bump, or for that matter to the editors who have been induced into providing it by someone whose judgment they trust.

The reason that I am writing this - and why this subject has cropped up yet again - is down to the fact that when I opened my mail client yesterday morning I discovered fifteen new email messages from aspiring writers seeking advice from me on how to break into one or more of the games beats.

That's fifteen emails in ONE day. It happened to be a Friday, but still. That's a lot.

Fifteen emails is the total I would normally receive in an average week, so getting them all in one day? Unusual is the best word to describe this.

I've noticed that email of this sort tends to arrive on Mondays or Fridays - the same days most CV's are revised come to think upon it - and I doubt that is a coincidence.

If I dig hard and deep enough what I am likely to find is that online somewhere on a chat board for writers and writing my name was mentioned along with a bunch of other journos, in a completely unrelated thread, and this was the result.

I write this on a Saturday morning in the middle of preparing for a bad storm that is rumored to be coming our way.

I live on what amounts to a very large island off the coast of Massachusetts and bad storms like this are not to be taken lightly. There is concern that the storm may become what we call a “Nor'Easter” -- and in New England that is not a good word to hear.

That type of storm forms on average around three times a year, building up along the East coast as warm air from over the Atlantic smashes into cold arctic air masses to the north and west, with the result being northeasterly winds that blow in ahead of the storm.

While this type of storm can occur any time of the year they are most common between the months of September through April, and when they choose to arrive during the winter months the northwest side of a nor'easter will often contain very heavy snow combined with hurricane-force winds.

So it is not only very cold to start with, the windchill combined with the heavy snow makes for a miserable - and often very dangerous - time.

The roads freeze, the snow gets deep and can form an ice cover, and that makes it difficult for the removal crews to get rid of it. Forget salting the roads, that only works for regular bad weather. Think in terms of hunkering down for the duration of the storm plus two to four days, and if you live in New England, you can expect to lose power during some or most of that period.

So naturally my mind is occupied by thoughts of deep wet packed snow and the likelihood that we would lose power and I would not be able to work on the four projects that I am presently working. I am also concerned that we may not have sufficient firewood to keep the fireplace burning for more than three or four days, and I have mentally reviewed how much food is in the larder as well as the levels of other essential supplies and the conclusions are not good.

Before this storm arrives we will need to get at least a cord of wood, and hit the grocery, hardware, and pharmacy. It would be a good idea to visit the library and check out some good books so that if the power does go out - and the Internet with it - there is at least something to entertain all of us.

I'm sure you can imagine that, under the circumstances, happy replies to unsolicited email of this sort is not likely. But that's actually not a concern thanks to the twin lessons of experience and history.

When games journo and sometimes PR person Lauren Wainwright, tweeted: "Urm... Trion were giving away PS3s to journalists at the GMAs. Not sure why that's a bad thing?" that should have been more than sufficient data to cause her to pause and recognize WHY that was a problem. Under the standard code of ethics in journalism a journo is absolutely free to accept that sort of bribe - with the understanding that they would thereafter NEVER cover any products from the company that offered the bribe, you know, ever again?

Here There Be History!

Having been on the receiving end of this particular type of appeal via email for nearly a decade -- or about the time that my status as a games journo was officially recognized (and bear in mind you don't actually have to be a successful OR a popular games journo to be on the receiving end of this sort of thing) -- I now have a policy for handling these.

I admit that, at first I was drawn to them. The idea that someone at a stage I used to be at was seeking out my guidance was pretty flattering. I definitely gave them more time and attention - and effort - than was good. And I gave what I thought was good advice too - in fact it was a lot more verbose but if you distill it down it's the same advice I give today but in the form of a tinned reply I can paste into the email I answer with.

Now I know better

In the past I assumed that anything I had to say both had value to the recipient and would be advice well-received and followed.

It turns out that is rarely ever the case; they were not looking to hear me say “work hard, never work for free, write the best you can, and find your voice.”

That wasn't what they were looking for when they wrote me. What they were seeking were any tips, tricks, or shortcuts I could offer because there is this belief on the part of new writers that there ARE such things.

What I was offering instead - in my ignorance - was a road map for how the rest of us AWs actually began, undertook, and completed the journey under discussion.

No, what they want is for me to explain to them how they might become a professional games journo without actually needing to put in the effort of becoming a professional games journo.

I've corresponded with more than a few - at length - and eventually what I learn is that they just want a fast track to success so that they can score gigs that will pay well, offer them prestige, ensure a steady supply of free AAA games, and pay expenses for and offer creds to the big three game expos - E3, TGS, and Gamescom.

I was gobsmacked to learn that today a lot of gamers who are looking to become games journos have this twisted idea that the life of the typical professional games journo while on assignment is something like a cross between Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas -- and the the more excessive of the stories told about the bad-old corruption days when PRs and studios would almost literally hand games journos bags of cash, or whisk them away to all-expenses-paid game briefings in Tahiti and the Bahamas during the dark of winter back home!

Today reputable gaming publications and sites have ethics policy that is very similar to those used by newspapers - in fact the reform process for games journalism in many ways mirrored what the newspapers experienced during the height of their reforms.

The reason that such policy is successful is that the journos themselves understand it is in their best interest to comply with them.

First there is the whole issue with the Federal Trade Commission and other government agencies having finally recognized that both the traditional and new media were rife with corruption and needed to be brought in line so that they were operating under full influence and disclosure just like the traditional media is.

Some time if you are bored and have an hour free to read check out the Endorsement Guides for the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) as they apply to games journalists. The contents of that site section have been helpfully packaged as a PDF document that you can download and read at your leisure too.

After you get familiar with that, go check out the updated valuation rules for things like game review copies and swag over at the IRS website. When you get audited how the IRS auditor treats the review and preview copies will depend on how they personally interpret the law.

Some auditors apply the tax law of Publication 531 (undeclared tips), while others choose to apply the same set of tax laws that are applied to gambling winnings by professional gamblers.

So for instance just like a professional gambler a professional freelancer is held to the requirements to file as a self-employed business using Schedule C -- and review copies as well as swag is treated just like the value of "comps" that are received from casinos by gamblers - and thus are considered to be gaming winnings that are taxed at the highest level allowed by law.

Some have interpreted the games as being worth their declared retail cost as their real value - so the typical AAA game will be counted as $59.99 in real value for the purposes of assessing the income amount you are being penalized with.

Say you average two games a month - though really that is a low-ball figure since during the run-up to the Christmas Holiday you can easily have a dozen or more games dropped on you.... But let's day throughout a typical year you only accepted 24 video games. That works out to just over $1,400 in what the IRS considers undeclared income!

And that does not even begin to estimate the income value for swag you received from PRs - including free meals, beverages, and even the thumb drives they gave you the press releases and media content on! Yeah, the IRS considers that income if it gets to the stage where you are being audited.

Tax lawyers suggest that just like professional gamblers the professional games journo should keep a personal journal in which they keep track of what they receive from PRs, studios, and publishers, as well as what they spend out-of-pocket. Keeping receipts for the games you bought as well as logging that in your journal is recommended - because the IRS auditor might decide to Google all of your reviews for the previous tax year and assume you received review copies for every game you reviewed.

Bearing in mind that none of the game studios or PRs - or publishers - issue Form W2-G to freelance games journos, that personal journal may be your first and last line of defense against this!

That will quickly add up - because even if the total amount doesn't push you into a higher tax bracket, once they tabulate the total value for all of the games - $1,439.76 - plus the swag and other income - they then start applying the fines, and then total all of that together and begin factoring the percentage of late charges and so on. It can quickly get bloody - and your employers will not be happy with you either - there is that to consider.

A little common sense goes a very long way - if you are being asked to passively endorse a product in order to "win" another product, just how objective do you suppose the "winners" will be?  Should you even need to ask that question?  A voluntary Ethics Policy does more than protect a publication - it also protects the journos who write for it.  We're just saying...

If you are an aspiring journo I very strongly urge you to carefully study the documents referenced above because government agencies like the FTC and IRS do NOT have a sense of humor. Claiming ignorance of the law pretty much amounts to an outright guilty plea!

If you read the game and hardware previews and reviews I write you will notice a few things consistently throughout: at the end of each preview or review I disclose how I obtained the copy that was used for that piece even when I actually paid for it myself, and I never retain preview or review copies for my personal game library.

Unless the game needs to be held onto for coverage of future DLC and expansion content, we give away all of the review copies as part of our regular trivia contests - with the details appearing at the end of the preview or review right beneath the disclosure.

Another helpful tip - when we know for certain that a game will have future content we will need to cover we will actually try to insist on being given a code rather than the retail boxed edition - since game codes have no intrinsic value and thus are not declared income.

Sorry we got off track here a little...

If a PR manages to compromise you ethically they can (and many will) hold that over your head. Believe me the risks associated with being outed for accepting a bribe far far outweigh any blip of a few seconds of bad publicity on their part for offering it. So you see there is a very real risk of being “owned” by the PR or studio that bribed you -- and what you have is a recipe for disaster that most assuredly has a “sell-by date” attached.

Science Fiction author Robert Heinlein is well-known for promoting the expression and idea of TANSTAAFL - There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch - which features heavily in the personal ethics and philosophy of the protagonist Lazarus Long, and to a smaller degree with characters like Valentine Michael Smith from Stranger in a Strange Land and so on.

Once you get owned the day will come when they demand payment for that bribe -- a demand that most often comes in the form of a positive review for one of their games.

When you -- and the handful of other journos who they entrapped -- give a game that the rest of the world recognizes as a real stinker a positive review, do you truly imagine nobody will notice?

Forget the fact that by giving that stinker a positive review you have essentially betrayed your audience - those audiences are NOT stupid. They will figure out that you had a reason for writing what you wrote mates.

So following the publication ethics policy is not just a good idea - after all those policies are there for your protection as well as to protect the reputation of the publications itself.

Unlike most other media beats, in games journalism a writer who has demonstrated that they have a price and can be bought loses all trust and credibility from their audience - and since their audience IS the gold-standard by which their value to an outlet on their chosen beat is measured - well you can easily figure it out for yourself.

The PRs and games publishers know all of this - that's why you don't see them trying to slide by with overt bribes anymore -- and why you never see them offering the sort of overt perk like flying journos to warm tropical destinations in the middle of the winter to be briefed on a new game or have their preview play in a luxury resort in California (that stuff really did happen).

I should also emphasize that unlike in a court of law, there is no presumption of innocence in the court of public opinion. Even just the appearance of culpability is sufficient in most cases to cost a journo their career.

Don't you just bet that this is one image he really regrets sitting for?

And we don't need examples like 2012s Dorito-gate or the travesty surrounding 2007s Gerstmann-gate to make that all too painfully clear do we?

In a nutshell Dorito-gate was a debacle that was pretty much created by the PR firm representing American sugar-water and cheese-flavored corn-crisps manufacturer Mountain Dew and Doritos (which means parent company Pepsi-Co and subsidiary Frito-Lays).

Toss in GTTV host Geoff Keighley, an unfortunate promotion involving Twitter, Microsoft's (then) new hit game Halo 4 and its primary advertising scheme, and games journalist Lauren Wainwright, who may or may not be litigious in the grandest traditions of American culture (despite you know, she being British and all of this taking place at a European awards show)...

So um, yeah, that's Dorito-gate - an unfortunate event that would have been prevented by a handful of games publications and sites having adopted and clearly indoctrinated their writers with the same basic ethics policy that most American publications and sites use. Because 'Merica! Hell yeah!

Then we have Gerstmann-gate - which I don't mind saying still leaves a bad aftertaste.

Considering that despite his innocence - and he was innocent - nobody is arguing that games journo Jeffrey Michael Gerstmann was dismissal from GameSpot -- where he had worked for over a decade -- for any reason OTHER than having written a fair and accurate review of the Eidos Interactive title Kane & Lynch: Dead Men.

Bearing in mind that Gerstmann was assigned to review that title, and bearing in mind that the only basis for his dismissal was the fact that he wrote a negative review of the game and then later refused to re-interpret his review or re-cast the numbers for the rating he gave the game - in the end his career as a games journo was permanently damaged.

So that was two very simple examples of a clear ethics question (Dorito-gate) and a completely innocent journo trapped in a pissing contest (Gerstmann-gate) between the games press and one company who has an alleged unfortunate policy of pimping its ratings to its advertisers.

In both cases while there were no clear winners there certainly were some clear villains, but games journos - and to some extent the gaming community in general - really did get hurt.

Every Time You Turn Around, There You Are!

So I need to hit the door and get to the grocery - Pete's going to deliver a cord of wood - I have a short list for the hardware store, and I'm getting my scripts filled two-days early. That being so, and the weather waiting for no man (or woman, or dachshund despite the fact that Calvin is a very persuasive dachshund) I want to sum all of this up by providing you, erstwhile aspiring writers and games journos alike - with the following advice.

Follow it. Don't follow it. Reject me. Endorse me. I don't actually care. But here we go:

My formal and official advice to new aspiring writers wishing to break into the games beats (any and all of them) are really very simple.

1. Register a custom Internet Domain Name (ie, www.yourname.com) for your working name (for example my domain is boots-faubert.com) and obtain hosting for that domain.

Create a personal websites to showcase your work and help potential sources and editors to contact you, and for editors to get to know you and your work. 

You can find excellent examples - and ideas for what to include on your site by checking out the long list of sites created by other journos at the Journalists Personal Websites page at Street Tips.

2. Register and properly set up an account/profile with about.me.

3. Sign up to and add your articles to Journalisted.

4. Create a LinkedIn account and be sure to keep your LinkedIn profile up-to-date.

5. Create a Portfolio of the best examples of your paid work for each of the beats you write on.

6. Do NOT write for free. You can find paid gigs - you just have to put in the effort. That is not to say that you will be making loads of coin for that effort - but that is not the point. The point is that you are creating portfolio content that shows off your talents (and hopefully your voice assuming you have found it) that fit within the desired constraints of the industry.

You may find that following the advice listed below will work:

(a) Use the website Games Journalism Jobs

The job postings on this site tend to be low on pay - but when it is a paid position they usually make that very clear.  It should be understood that this is not the sort of gig clearing house you go to when you are looking for a permanent job to earn a living wage. That is very unlikely.

On the other hand you CAN find gigs here that are paid gigs and thus allow you to honestly add the output to your portfolio of commercially successful work. And that IS the point.

When you do get a gig, give it 100% of your effort and ability - treat it as if this was a job paying three times industry standard rates. Your goal here - in addition to getting paid for your writing - is to create work that showcases your writing abilities and (hopefully) your voice.

When you finish a gig here that you feel qualifies as representative of your best work, be sure you add it to the publications or projects section of your LinkedIn Profile (whichever is appropriate), and then add it to your Journalisted profile.

(b) Work for yourself

While you can be harshly judged for accepting unpaid gigs from sites and their editorial staff well known (infamous) for conning aspiring writers into producing production-level content for them, no self-respecting editor will look down on you for creating your own games blog and then populating it with quality features, game and game industry news pieces, game reviews, and even walkthroughs or game strategy guides.

While the contents of a self-made, self-run publication such as this won't really qualify as portfolio samples of paid work, the entire site/pub itself and everything on it DOES qualify as sample work. More important than that - assuming you can successfully pull it off - is its value to show consistency as well as quality.

The easiest path towards accomplishing this goal can be found at free blog hosting sites like Wordpress and Blogger - but if you can afford it you might want to go with a paid hosting site with a custom domain name like the services offered by GoDaddy (we use them and like them but are not being paid to recommend them).

GoDaddy is representative of the services we are talking about - so do the math: registering a new domain in the .com space with them is around 12 bucks and site hosting for it - with the blog software - runs around 7 bucks a month.

Or you can go with one of their on sale annual hosting plans that will get you:

• 1 Website
• 100 GB Storage
• Unlimited Bandwidth
• 100 Email Addresses
• Free domain with annual plan

For just over $160 you get the above for a prepaid 36 months. 

You then just go into the hosting admin section, pick the blog front-end you want, then either choose a free or a paid design, customize it as needed and begin writing.

Once you are at the ready to write stage, set a schedule for yourself. Send emails to the various PR firms requesting to be added to the PR mailing lists for the various studios that they rep and that gets you the news and press releases.  Google is your friend here for discovering who reps who.

Here is a sample schedule - you set aside Wednesday and Saturday for game news coverage, since that will get you the Monday/Tuesday and Thursday/Friday releases to work from. Now you perfect your ability to summarize news coverage and perhaps add a little character, entertainment, or humor to the process.

If you want to eventually cover game reviews, decide on doing one or two reviews a month then do them. Pick your games and try to get your reviews out in a timely fashion. Create a review format that not only makes sense, but is easy to understand and helpful to the reader.

Every other Friday you publish an original feature piece - I am not talking about regurgitating standard feature topics mind you - but developing your own takes and approaches. Write about what interests you as that will make it easier. Maybe you are wild about zombie games - so write a feature article that compares the current crop of zombie games with an eye towards the average number of zombies you kill per game, per hour. Or reviewing the different types of zombies in a game and the best strategy for making them chopped meat.

You get the idea. If you stick with your schedule, six months down the road you have not only created an impressive site/blog/personal publication, with any luck you now have an audience that is large enough so that you can start requesting review copies of upcoming games. You will know that is a success when you actually receive more than half of the games you request.

There is nothing mysterious about this process - this is what is known as paying your dues.

Oh, and in case you are curious - this posting is now my default tinned reply to those emails from aspiring writers - so when they email me asking how to break into the games beat, I will be sending them the URL for this post as my reply :)

Since we covered briefly the whole ethics in games journalism subject it is a good idea for you to think about voluntarily adopting an industry standard ethics policy and then following it strictly.  Doing that will never hurt you - and building a solid and ethical reputation will help you on these beats.

A Simple Set of Ethical Guidelines for Games Journalists?

Games Journalism is both a very large and widely followed set of beats, that naturally enough (when you consider the topic) includes a small nexus of professional writers followed by a very large crowd of gamers who also write about gaming.

Our interest in promoting ethical games journalism -- along the same lines as the voluntary ethics system adopted by newspapers during their struggle throughout the 1980s to achieve an ethical baseline for their industry -- is a keen one.

In that spirit we have voluntarily adopted this simple set of ethical guidelines for games journalism governing the ethical behavior and standards of games journalism based upon ten simple but important foundation points and their underlying specific rules and policy.

These Ethical Guidelines are adopted by the members of the International Brotherhood of Games Journalists, and are originally based upon ethics guidelines set down by the Canadian Association of Journalists.

We encourage you to adopt them yourself whether you are a well-established voice on a game beat or are just starting out.  When you are ready to learn more about ethics and policy in games journalism, follow this link:

Games Journalist Ethics Policy

Australia the first Warning Sign of Black Swan Trump

A Black Swan Event Defined

When governments create their official languages there is a tendency to rely strongly upon code words to help to make complex situations as clear as is briefly possible, so when the phrase “A Black Swan Event" pops up, the uninitiated - unaware of the actual meaning of the phrase - understandably presumes that it is meant to represent a rare or even surprising event.

Unfortunately while that phrase can - sometimes does - mean just that in a less powerful corridor of some nondescript government office building - when it is spoken by a person who knows what it truly means, the phrase has an impact with the same emotional density as words like ”shipwreck” or “disaster” and that, well, that is significant.

One of the more popular definitions of the phrase comes in the form of presenting the matter as theory -- the black swan theory or theory of black swan events -- a metaphor that describes an event that comes as a surprise, has a major effect, and is often inappropriately rationalized after the fact with the benefit of hindsight.

The original theory is said to have been developed by a Lebanese-American essayist, scholar, statistician, and risk analyst named Nassim Nicholas Taleb to explain three specific concerns:

The first was the psychological biases that blind people -- both individually and collectively -- to uncertainty and to a rare event's massive role in historical affairs.

The next is the non-computability of the probability of the consequential rare events using scientific methods (owing to the very nature of small probabilities).

Finally -- and this is what applies to the disastrous situation of Donald Trump's run at the GOP nomination -- is the disproportionate role of high-profile, hard-to-predict, and rare events that are beyond the realm of normal expectations in history, science, finance, technology -- and specifically as is this case, politics.

Unlike the earlier and broader "black swan problem" in philosophy, Taleb's "black swan theory" refers only to unexpected events of large magnitude and consequence and their dominant role in history.

The fact that this perfectly fits the Trump fiasco, the greater concern is the aforementioned code words and their translations and specifically what that phrase means when it is used by government in a nation like Australia - which serves as the ideal example since she both leads in the declaration of the Trump situation as a Black Swan Event, and serves as a prime example for how other governments with a similar outlook are likely to react.

No not THAT Black Swan!

Building the Scorecard

First let's build that scorecard; once we have accomplished that, we can then address the whole Cause and Effect phenomenon of the Trump Presidency and what that will likely mean first for Australia, and then for the rest of the Commonwealth of Nations.

For our purposes here it is important to understand just where decisive power is vested in that isolated yet powerful nation that uniquely exists as both an island nation and the only nation in the world that occupies its own continent.

Not to go too deeply into left-field, but have you ever played the board game called Risk? Yeah, there is a reason why most players accept that he or she who holds Australasia more often than not wins the game.

The actions (and reactions) of Australia with respect to a Trump Presidency is likely to be the most perfect laboratory for the experiment. But in order to appreciate what it all means, you first need to fully grok Oz, and how each of its influential voices matter.

Considering that its political structure and to some degree the governmental foundations really were influenced heavily by simply borrowing the best parts of the leading forms of government of the era,

when Australia stopped being a Crown Colony and took up the mantle of self-rule it did so with some pretty significant benefits, not the least of which was the ability and willingness to learn from the mistakes made by those forms of government who loaned out their finest features to that new nation.

Something else that we must remember is that, due to the disproportionately massive influential role (both in regional economics and -- through the projection of military might -- its peacekeeping role) in the Australasian region is a major and valuable concern...

At its foundation level Australia is a constitutional monarchy. Let's be very clear about that from the beginning.

While the Queen is officially recognized as head of state, in actual practice the role of head of state for Australia is divided between two people: the Queen of Australia and the Governor-General of Australia, the latter being appointed by the Queen on the advice of the Prime Minister of Australia.

From that observation it should sound like Elizabeth II, Queen of Australia has a lot of power - or rather has all the power, right? Well yes - and no - but before we get to that we sort of need to forget all of her other part-time jobs.

When Elizabeth began her new career she did so officially as HRH Elizabeth II by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas, Queen, Defender of the Faith, but by the time she managed to fit Australia into her busy schedule, she had officially been transmogrified into Queen Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God Queen of this Realm and of Her other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

That sounds simple enough, right? Ah, but we are forgetting that even nation-states have egos, and a lot of the members of the Commonwealth of Nations did not really like back-seating to their larger or more economically stable cousins with whom they shared their leader.

President Trump could cost the US Navy invaluable ports in the Southern Pacific Ocean

So an agreement was reached by her prime ministers at the Commonwealth Prime Ministers' Conference of 1952 (I swear to God this is true - even fiction cannot account for this sort of twist in the plot!), whereby the Queen would accord herself different styles and titles in each of her realms, reflecting that, in each state, she acted as monarch of that particular country -- regardless of her other roles.

So, for example, in Canada they preferred the style: Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of Canada and of Her other realms and territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

For Australia however, the ministers ended up in a compromise that forced the inclusion of her UK title in all styles, so that Elizabeth ended up with a distinct but similarly constituted title in each state, which meant that when she was finally crowned in 1952, she initially held seven separate titles, and then with her crowning in each Commonwealth nation, her stock of calling cards reached an epic 16 different titles - one for each of the current Commonwealth realms!

So from 1953 to 1973 she was styled “Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom, Australia and Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.”

That certainly makes it sound like she fills the role of monarch and leader politically AND commander-in-chief of the ADF, right? Ah but her title style was changed in 1973 so as to clarify that at least with respect to certain leadership roles (and in particular military roles) it was not all-inclusive.

Thus she became -and is to this day styled: “Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of Australia and Her other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth>”

The Queen waving goodbye to the UKs special relationship with America should Trump be elected as president.  The UK moving to add Trump to the list of persona non grata. 

If you are not yet confused enough, consider this: the commander-in-chief of the naval and military forces of the Commonwealth of Australia is vested in the Governor General as the Queen's representative. But the Governor-General does not actually play an active part in the Australian Defence Force's command structure.

Instead the democratically accountable Australian Cabinet (chaired by the Prime Minister) theoretically commands the ADF - but in actual practice the day-to-day control belongs to the Minister for Defence (with the assistance of several subordinate ministers), who exercise control via the Australian Defence Organisation under Section 8 of the Defence Act 1903.

While she does not in fact exercise direct control over the ADF - or for that matter ANY military units in her Realms with the exception of her own House Guard who comprise two legitimate Regiments - and despite the fact that she is not nor has she ever been an officer of any of those military organizations or units in any capacity other than some two-dozen honorary ranks - and yet she does possess a massive ribbon deck rivaled only by the selection of awards that take only the medal form!

Still not confused enough? Remember we began this by stating that we were about to create a Scorecard?

We did not choose that defining title by accident. You see when the dust finally settled what we discover is that a literal committee of people and positions actually comprise the full command and control elements of the government, so at a bare minimum the opinions - and the decisions - of the following are ALL important to the process:

Her Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, is the person who is the most senior Minister of the Crown; an appointee who is the leader of the Cabinet and the chairperson of the National Security Committee.

The Governor-General of Australia, Peter Cosgrove, appointed by the Queen of Australia and exercising her powers domestically.

These voices -and power - are joined by the Minister for Foreign Affairs Julie Bishop; The President of the Senate The Hon Stephen Parry; and the Minister for Defence Marise Payne being the core of the truly influential with respect to the issue at hand.

And that leaves two more significant forces who contribute to the equation, that pair being the National Security Committee:

Chair: The Hon Malcolm Turnbull MP (Leader of the Liberal Party)

Deputy Chair: The Hon Barnaby Joyce MP (Leader of the National Party)

Member: The Hon Julie Bishop MP (Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party)

Member: Senator the Hon George Brandis QC ( Liberal Party of Australia)

Member: The Hon Scott Morrison MP (Liberal Party of Australia)

Member: Senator the Hon Marise Payne (Liberal Party of Australia)

Member: Senator The Hon Arthur Sinodinos AO (Liberal Party of Australia)

And finally the Intelligence and Security Committee:

Chair: Mr Andrew Nikolic AM, CSC, MP (Liberal Party of Australia , Bass TAS)

Deputy Chair: Hon Anthony Byrne MP (Australian Labor Party , Holt VIC)

Member: Senator David Bushby (Liberal Party of Australia , TAS)

Member: Senator the Hon Stephen Conroy (Australian Labor Party , VIC)

Member: Hon Mark Dreyfus QC, MP (Australian Labor Party , Isaacs VIC)

Member: Senator David Fawcett (Liberal Party of Australia , SA)

Member: Senator Katy Gallagher (Australian Labor Party , ACT)

Member: Hon Philip Ruddock MP (Liberal Party of Australia , Berowra NSW)

Member: Hon Bruce Scott MP (The Nationals , Maranoa QLD)

Member: Senator the Hon Penny Wong (Australian Labor Party , SA)

Member: Mr Jason Wood MP (Liberal Party of Australia , La Trobe VIC)

So about now you might be asking yourself why all of these people are important enough for us to list them...

This could become a rare sight if Trump is elected and Australia severs its foreign relations ties with America

For the purposes of explaining how and why the perceptions of a Trump Presidency in the USA as a declared Black Swan Event by the government of Australia - and all of the politicos listed above - we will now go directly to the matter of interest as we have now created our unofficial scorecard!

So here is the crux of the issue: our Scorecard depicts the primary players in the matter, some of whom are actually on opposing sides of the aisle, and many of whom rarely agree on what to have for dinner when their committee is in session, let alone agree upon a general assessment or even committee position on a matter of concern.

In short, and very much akin to the similar difficulties one finds in committees of ANY sort that are populated by members from different parties and persuasions, our reason for listing them is to provide you with emphasis that they DO agree on the matter of Trump - and that is bad news for America.

A Black Swan Event - and two grey chicks called Fear and Anger

The Black Swan and Her Consequences

Under the Australian definition for the phrase, a Black Swan Event is a wholly unexpected event or situation that is classified as a clear and present danger to Australia and its people.

The reasons that this is bad news for America number in the dozens, so we will start with the more dangerous and highly placed reasons at the top of our list:

1. The members agree a Trump presidency is a genuine Black Swan Event;
2. The members agree a Trump presidency would require an immediate response;

The concerns that would both warrant and justify action span a wide range of impact points, but the core reasons that a Trump presidency is considered a threat to Australia includes:

• His declared protectionism stance;
• His demonstrated jingoism;
• His Putin-esque ego;

Collectively all of the above are a clear threat to the wellbeing and perhaps more important still, the economy of Australia.

US Bases in Australia would come under threat of closure and re-evaluation in a Trump Presidency

A threat that is being taken so seriously that PM Turnbull as well as the ISC have already taken stated and public positions that a Trump victory in the US election would require, at the bare minimum the following immediate steps:

• A dissociation of Australia's foreign policy from the USA;
• Immediate withdrawal of remaining RAAF E-7A ELINT unit from Operation Slipper (Residual);
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF/RAAF forces participating in Operation Accordion;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF/RAAF forces participating in Operation Highroad;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF/RAAF forces participating in Operation Okra;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF forces participating in Operation Paladin;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF forces participating in Operation Palate II;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF/RAAF forces participating in Operation Resolute Support;
• Immediate termination of hosting for joint ops in Operation Southern Indian Ocean;
• Immediate withdrawal of all ADF forces from the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF);
• Immediate withdrawal of Australia’s Joint Task Force 636 in Afghanistan;
• Suspension for review of US armed forces / CIA presence at Pine Gap JDSRF Alice Springs;
• Suspension of US Navy privileges at RAN Fleet Base East & Jervis Bay ;
• Suspension of US Navy privileges at RAN Fleet Base West;
• Suspension of US Navy privileges at RAN Stirling;
• Suspension of US Navy privileges at former USNB North West Cape;
• Suspension of US privileges at Seismic Stations Charters Towers / Daly Waters / Hobart / Mundaring / Sydney NSW / Tennant Creek;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Delamere Bomb Range;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Darwin;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Kimberley;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Learmouth;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Pearce;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Richmond;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Salisbury;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Townsville;
• Suspension of US privileges at RAAF Williamtown;
• Suspension of US privileges at Joint RAAF/USAFB Tidbinbulla;
• Suspension of US privileges at “Weather” Stations Mildura & Wagga Wagga;
• Review of increased US staffing for Eschelon Sites at Watsonia / Melbourne / Geraldton / Shoal Bay / DSD HQ Canberra;
• Suspension of US privileges at Shoalwater Bay Jungle Warfare Training Base;
• Suspension of US SIGINT privileges at Cabarlah;
• Suspension of US SIGINT privileges at Hariman;
• Suspension of US SIGINT privileges at Wagga;
• Review of lease holdings at Omega Station at Dariman.

Why is the above action/reaction necessary? In simple terms - and based on comments that members of both committees and Australia's political leaders have made privately and hinted at publicly, a President Donald Trump would be classified by both committees with the same category of threat as Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.

Really there is nothing more that needs to be said about that at least in terms of Australia - but considering that a Trump victory would also spur the same sort of reaction in the UK, Canada, and France, with a somewhat lighter response in Europe from Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, and Norway, while in Asia a similar response is likely from India, Japan, and the Philippians.

America would quickly find itself being a lease holder with its military bases sitting on land in overtly hostile countries.

the Incident at Dunkin' Donuts.

Two trusted sources - Sir Charles (left fg) and Sgt. Calvin (right bg) agree that games of any type are almost always fun - and as they are expert gamers who spend most of their free time either gaming, or thinking about gaming, I feel very confident that they qualify as Expert Sources.  Just saying...

Depending on how you look at it, this story begins in one of two places: either on a coffee farm in Columbia in 2015, or in the offices of Bill Moggridge, co-founder of the technology design company IDEO, and a British author and engineer who is responsible for creating the classic clamshell design of the modern notebook and laptop computers, situated somewhere in Palo Alto, California in 1980.

Actually the events I am about to describe occurred at approximately 09:35 in the morning of 21 February 2016; geographically the best description for a postman would be 614 Main Street, in the town of Falmouth, Massachusetts.

If you were giving directions to a computer, it would probably prefer them in either its latitude and longitude (41.552980, -70.60555) if it's an old school device, or by its GPS coordinates (41° 33' 10.7280'' North by 70° 36' 19.9800'' West) if it is a more modern one.

Originally known as the village of Succonessett, after it was settled in 1660 and incorporated as a town in 1686 by Bartholomew Gosnold (in honor of the town of Falmouth in Cornwall, England), Falmouth, Massachusetts is conveniently situated in what I like to think of as the armpit of the universe (look at it on a map some time and you will see what I mean), and can be reached by accessing the Cape via Route 28 and the Bourne Bridge.

The second-largest municipality on Cape Cod, and the first town of considerable size a visitor will encounter after passing over the Cape Cod Canal, Falmouth is situated in beautiful Barnstable County, and consists of previously independent villages of East Falmouth, Falmouth Village, North Falmouth, Teaticket, West Falmouth, and Woods Hole. It is widely recognized as the town that introduced Merino sheep and its wool to North America.

Falmouth, Massachusetts - the Armpit of the Universe

In addition to helping America discover the joys of wearing fashion created from its fine wool, Falmouth also serves as the home of the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL), the Woods Hole Research Center, National Marine Fisheries Aquarium, and is also the terminal for the Massachusetts Steamship Authority, which provides ferries to Martha's Vineyard.

Actually - and to be fair - while all of those facts related to Falmouth should be interesting to tourists, the fact is that most tourists are more interested in the wonderful beaches that Falmouth maintains, which they use to frolic half-naked in the surf, obtain the suntans that the Cape is best known for, and serve as the primary reasons for which Falmouth is a holiday destination.

If you are curious those beaches (listed in what I consider to be the best to least best, with the best listed first) are: Old Silver Beach, Bristol Beach, Surf Drive Beach, Falmouth Heights Beach, Wood Neck Beach, Stoney Beach, Megansett Beach, Menauhant Beach, Chapoquoit Beach, and Grews Pond Beach.

If you are looking for a classic beach that also has available food and beverage service nearby, the only choice would have to be Falmouth Heights Beach as it is across the street from the Falmouth branch of the BBC (British Beer Company) - all of the other beaches you pretty much need to bring your own food and beverages, though Surf Drive Beach has a snacks bar open during the prime season - just saying.

From a bird's eye view, Falmouth borders Buzzards Bay to the west and south, Waquoit Bay to the east, and the largely rural but nevertheless cozy region of the Cape that claims to be the summer home for much of the upwardly mobile population of Boston to the north.

On a more personal note, Falmouth has legitimate claim to a large number of famous and creative people, among whom are actors (Casey Affleck, and Jim Connors), artists (Frederick E. Olmsted), authors (Katharine Lee Bates, Melissa Febos, and Peter Abrahams), politicians (Jacob Sloat Fassett), and athletes (Colleen Coyne, Jamaal Branch, Paul Harney, and Steve Cishek).

Falmouth also happens to be home to a large number of coffee houses, including (but not limited to because I am only listing these from personal memory) the Coffee Obsession on Palmer Ave. in Falmouth and Water Street in Woods Hole, Starbucks on Davis Straits, Pies Ala Mode Cafe on Main Street, Cape Cod Bagel Cafe on Palmer Ave., Betsy's Diner on Main Street (which totally has the best coffee and pie in town but because it has really weird hours is usually not the go-to place for java most of the time plus they don't take plastic so bring cash or go home), Peet's Coffee & Tea on Teaticket Highway, the Cheesecake Cafe on Teaticket Highway, Moonakis Cafe on Waquoit Highway, and of course Dunkin' Donuts, which can be found on Sandwich Road, Main Street, Falmouth Highway, North and Falmouth Highway, Double-D being the one with the most locations in town really, which sort of explains why this all happened there.

Actually that is just a very brief list - there are LOTS of others I could add but when I realized that list was rapidly becoming a wall of text AND I realized that if you can't pick a coffee spot from the ones I have already listed you have bigger problems than just needing a cup of joe, well, you get the idea.

Now that I have filled you in on the backstory pretty much, before I explain the events about which this posting is, well, about... It would be an idea to bring you to this morning from the two possible origination points first, right?

The Two Possible Origination Points

I will try not to drag this out, but since there are only two prime paths to the events that took place this morning that should not be too difficult...

Bill Moggridge - Creator of the Clamshell Design

The offices of Bill Moggridge in 1980

Back in the day Bill designed the first successful laptop - the GRiD Compass. His design used a clamshell case (where the screen folds flat to the rest of the computer when closed) made from a magnesium alloy - which combined makes it a very sexy piece of kit. But what made it even MORE sexy was who it was created for: the US Government.

Actually to be fair it wasn't really made for the US Government per se, but as its unit price tag was around $10k they were mostly the only entity that could afford it. But, you may wonder, why did they buy it? That is the even more sexy part - the Compass was the laptop selected by NASA to go into space on the shuttle, and by the DoD to be supplied to Special Forces operators when they needed to take a computer into the field.

The important bit about the Compass was not that it was a computer - or portable - but rather its user-friendly design that basically protected the important bits by separating the display from the body of the computer and then using the display (and its case) to protect both the display AND the keyboard. Without that innovative approach the notebook and laptop never could have enjoyed the success that they did.

It probably won't surprise you to learn that, while the GRiD Compass did not have a massive commercial run, found its profits via returns on its patent rights as that innovative design became the most commonplace feature on portable computers.

Before you gleefully email me to tell me I am totally wrong - that Xerox invented that - well, yes and no.

Xerox invented a LOT of things - they invented the computer mouse you know? And Ethernet, and... But the point is that while Xerox was really great at inventing things, they were terrible at filing patent applications, which is why most of the stuff that they invented was also “invented” by the first person to file a patent on it.

The Genealogy of the Laptop

Back in the good-old days when the tech that eventually lead to the laptop computer was in the process of being created I was busily computing on my heavily modified hardware. I will explain that in a moment...

Laptop tech began not as a small package but as an idea towards creating the portable computer. At the time nobody was thinking about making a clamshell device - they just wanted to somehow make the PC portable.

The Osborne 1

1981 -- The Osborne 1

The first successful commercially offered PC that was portable - sort of - was the Osborne 1. It was legitimately a PC, being a microprocessor-based portable computer of a sort that was usually referred to as a “Luggable” rather than portable computer.

This was 1981 - before Microsoft had managed to put a lock on the Operating System market and well before Windows appeared and dominated the market and tech in terms of PCs.

It used the CP/M OS which, actually, was better and easier to use than DOS, but when Microsoft tried to purchase CP/M from its creator they were told flatly “Not Interested” which is why they ended up buying a competing OS that was called QDOS (which stood for Quick-and-Dirty Operating System) which was created and sold to hobbyists by a little company called Seattle Computer.

The Osborne 1 looked like the typical portable sewing machine until you actually opened the bottom, and then you saw it was actually a computer with a 5” screen, floppy drive, and keyboard concealed within.

It was large, it was heavy, and compared to today's laptops, impossible to own and use like we use laptops today. Despite those obvious limitations it had a near-revolutionary impact on businesses that benefited from the use of a PC in the field.

The Compaq Portable PC

1982 -- The Compaq Portable

While the Osborn might have been able to carve out a dominant niche for itself once it found a way to get smaller and lighter, the decision to use CP/M as its OS is thought to have been the main reason why it never quite caught on. Well that and it was wicked large and wicked heavy!

Which is why in 1982 the introduction at CES of Compaq Computer's portable PC that they called - I kid you not - the Compaq Portable shook things up.

Sure their naming imagination may have been pushed to its limits with the launch of this portable PC, it is clear that it was heavily influenced by both the IBM PC and the fact that Compaq had entered the market as a clone maker, and certainly too its decision to choose Microsoft DOS as its designated OS.

Once it found its niche -- and once it began the process of revision to get smaller and more capable -- even though the Compaq Portable was only slightly smaller and lighter than the Osborne, its close association with Compaq's desktop line of PCs and the fact that it was a true IBM Clone gave it advantages that caused most business class users to be willing to overlook its obvious flaws and to favor it.

Consider this - when IBM finally got around to designing and then contracting out the manufacture of its own portable - the IBM Portable Personal Computer 5155 model 68 - it was barely compatible with MS DOS and the desktop PCs the company made!

As noted above, the Compaq Portable had the good fortune to be embraced by its user base - mostly businesses that already relied heavily upon PC Clones made by Compaq - the engineers assigned to the project worked hard to get it smaller and make it more portable, with a committed eye towards removing what they viewed as its Achilles heel, which was the fact that despite being technically portable the device still required an AC power source to function at all.

Its third major design revision - which Compaq called the Compaq Portable II - offered users a smaller and more portable frame that featured a high resolution display capable of somewhat limited graphics that included a very progressive CAD/CAM suite.

The Epson HX-20 / HC-20 - World's First Laptop PC

1982 / 1983 -- The Epson HX-20

While its original project team was assembled in 1980 it took almost all of two years for them to complete the R&D for the HX-20, which was the Seiko Epson Corporation's contribution to portable computing in the 1980s.

Like previous efforts in portable computing, the HX-20 did not live up to expectations - it also took a completely different path towards the same end in that it was never contemplated to be a portable PC, but rather a handheld computing device (there really is a significant difference between the two).

Created as a handheld computer that supported the 68-key keyboard which was, at the time, an industry standard, it also used a rechargeable nickel-cadmium battery, one of its failings was found in its display - a pretty small 120×32-pixel dot-matrix LCD display that only supported 4 20-character lines of text, as its primary “display” was meant to be the standard 24-column dot matrix printer!

As such its use in the field was very limited and that design model never caught on with consumers or the business computing community. That said though, some of the innovative design elements in its motherboard and circuitry DID catch on, and so it made some significant contributions to portable computer design on the hardware side of the coin.

The GRiD Compass 1101 - Touch enough for the Special Forces, Hi-Tech enough for NASA!

1983 / 1984 -- GRiD Compass 1101

The GRiD Compass 1101 was THE portable computer that finally delivered ALL of the elements that computer makers - and users - had been seeking in a portable computer for almost ten years.

In relative terms it really did offer it all: a full-sized display capable of rudimentary graphical display, a full-sized keyboard, internal power, and the ability to “fold-up” making it smaller for transport purposes while at the same time retaining all of the components that were necessary for field use in a single package.

Nobody disputes its claim as the first true laptop -- and its design by Bill Moggridge in 1979–80, thanks to the many patents covering it that GRiD was very careful to make sure were properly filed first with the US Patent Office and then with strategic foreign patent authorities, pretty much called the tune for true-portable-computing for the next forever or until someone somewhere figures out how to plug the things into our brains.

It wasn't simply ahead of its time, it was ahead of computer technology in whole! The 1101 clamshell case was a brilliant piece of design, but it was the icing on the cake so to speak. The hardware? Now that is where this thing really jumped generations. Consider this - the GRiD utilized non-volatile Bubble-Chip Memory years before anybody knew what it was!

It ran either using its internal, rechargeable battery, or via standard AC power, and its switching power supply could be plugged directly into the classified power network on board the US Space Shuttle Fleet without a conversion unit.

In fact its only drawback was that the 1101 was not IBM compatible; it used its own proprietary OS that was based off of CP/M and was called GRiDOS.

It may also interest you to know that the 1101 was fully compatible with the Space Shuttle main computer, and that astronauts on the Shuttle carried a special set of cables and a data cartridge that allowed an 1101 to be attached to the instrument panel in the Shuttle cockpit, essentially serving as the Shuttle's emergency backup co-pilot!

Once attached to the Shuttle computer network and, as long as the Shuttle was in any one of ten standard and programmed orbital positions, the 1101 and its emergency pilot program would function as a full substitute for the Shuttle's flight and navigation computer, allowing the laptop to land the Shuttle by itself in the event that an emergency occurred or the pilots were incapacitated.

Other laptops and, eventually, notebook computers, followed the GRiD 1101, and as the technology of portable computing matured and grew smaller improved upon its form, but it is safe to say that the GRiD 1101 set in motion almost all of the form factors that eventually lead to the design and manufacture of the HP notebook that is my constant companion and upon which I do most of my writing.

And that is how, thanks to Bill Moggridge we arrived at a table in our local Dunkin' Donuts at 09:35 on the morning of 21 February 2016 where the events I will soon describe occurred.

But before we get to that we have to briefly visit a coffee farm in Colombia - and before we do THAT we also have to go back in time to 1981 where we will revisit my computer at the time, which was pretty special - a special that actually involved no fewer than TWO blood sacrifices to make!

The C=64 with 1541 Drive and 1084 Colour Display

My 1983 Computers

In 1983 my personal computer kit consisted of my first personal computer - a VIC-20 my father bought me for my birthday in 1981, a Timex-Sinclair 1000 that I had a love-hate relationship with, and my main system, a heavily modified Commodore C=64, that my father originally gave me for my birthday in 1982.

Over the summer school break just after Christmas 1982 my sister's boyfriend Mike - who was in uni to become an electronics engineer - helped me to modify my C=64 with expanded storage and a hard drive. That mod was a breadboard kit you had to assemble yourself, that allowed the C=64 to interface with either a 10MB or 20MB MFM Hard Drive - which would have been incredibly expensive but my dad's office had upgraded their storage at the time and he “found” a 10MB drive for me.

When I got it it was a stock C=64 -- it had the standard 8-bit MOS Technology 6510 microprocessor, 64K of RAM, and a 1541 external floppy drive. I added my Commodore 1530 C2N-B Datasette that we bought for my VIC-20 to replace the bog-standard portable audio tape unit it originally came with. I also added my VIC-1600 which was a 100 baud modem that plugged into the user interface port on the VIC-20, and the C=64 (using an adapter).

My VIC-1600 was just 100 baud, so when Telecom/Telstra launched the Viatel Service in Australia and sent us an offer to try it out that included a free Commodore CBM 1660 300 baud modem for a brief period - hey, free is free right? - I jumped on that. It was actually sort of useful - one way we got a lot of use out of it was making Qantas reservations for my dad. He traveled a lot and one of the more useful services on Viatel was being able to obtain flight reservations for Qantas.

That lasted a few months then I upgraded to a 2400 baud modem which was pretty much the fastest you could ever get for the C=64. Later when it was available I added an additional 256K of RAM to my C=64 but, by that time all I was using the C=64 got was to run my single-line BBS system as by that time I had my first PC clone and preferred to use that for my general computing needs. So yeah, that is the story of my early computer kit.

So with that covered I feel like I have fulfilled all I said I would do and then some, so it is time for us to visit the alternate possible origins as we visit a coffee farm in Colombia.

Juan Valdez is a fictional character who has appeared in advertisements for the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia since 1958, representing a Colombian coffee farmer.

A coffee farm in Columbia in 2015

From an article posted by John Costello, Chief Global Marketing and Innovation Officer at Dunkin’ Brands on the “Behind the Bean” website of Dunkin' Donuts Corporate, Costello declares:

“Dunkin’ Donuts sources its coffee from a number of countries in Central and South America. Though I can’t reveal exactly which countries, Dunkin’ Donuts works closely with the coffee farmers and professionals in those countries to select the highest quality, 100% Arabica beans available. We have a coffee excellence team that has implemented strict Dunkin' Donuts Quality (DDQ) specifications, which is used throughout the entire tree to cup process.”

We happen to know that in addition to Brazil, Dunkin' Donuts sources its coffee from growers in Guatemala, Honduras, and Colombia among others, and our story begins on a coffee farm in Columbia. Colombia's average annual coffee production of 11.5 million bags is the third total highest in the world,

with most of it being Arabica beans grown in the Colombian coffee growing axis region in the north.

In North America consumers are used to obtaining their foodstuff from big corporate growers who operate farms that are as large as the typical mid-sized American city, and thanks in no small part to the very successful "Juan Valdez" advertising campaign by the public relations arm of the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia (Federación Nacional de Cafeteros de Colombia) think that coffee comes from similar commercial farms. You may be surprised to learn that it actually doesn't.

The art of growing Arabica in Columbia is a product of nearly half-a-million small farms - the vast majority of which consist of growing fields smaller than a single hectare. In case you never heard of that term, a hectare is a metric unit of square measure equal to 100 ares, which translates to 2.471 acres.

You read that right, the typical coffee farmer in Columbia growing the Arabica bean has a field that is just under two-and-a-half acres in size.

Fortunately for those growers, who are all members of the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia, a non-profit business association that was founded in 1927 as a business cooperative to promote the production and exportation of Colombian coffee. The secret to its success - and how it ensures the best possible price for its members - can be found in its strict adherence to the three pillars around which it was founded: its vows to protect the coffee industry, study the problems facing that industry, and to promote its interests through education and public relations.

In addition to assisting in price negotiations and ensuring that the member farmers are paid a fair price for their products, the NFCGC also monitors the annual production on a farm-by-farm basis to ensure that the crops being grown meet the minimum standards for the Colombian brand.

They also provide training and material support to the farmers to help them achieve mastery of their art, which is pretty cool if you think about it and probably a big reason why their coffee is so well-received on the world market - so it's a good thing that there is no National Federation of Coca Growers of Colombia!

Actually, if you think about it, coffee drinkers in America are probably the most effective army in the war on cocaine! The demand for coffee - and specifically the fine coffee that is brewed from Colombian Arabica beans - is all that has prevented a large percentage of small family owned farms from switching over to that illicit crop - so the next time you have a cup of coffee, pat yourself on the back for preventing even more illegal drugs from reaching the streets of America!

In his book The Orinoco Illustrated (1730), Jesuit priest José Gumilla described the beans as being among the richest and most desirable coffee, emphasizing that the locally-grown and roasted beans were a constant presence on the tables of the mission of Saint Teresa of Tabajé, who doubtlessly obtained those beans from a small family farm in much the same manner as they are obtained today - though probably at a price far lower than that paid by the typical consumer.

The reason it was cheaper is not because coffee cost less in 1730, but rather because they bought it at the source. You will probably be shocked to learn that a pound of green coffee beans at the source today is valued at around $2 - but it has to pass through a large number of hands before it ends up as a steaming cup clutched in your hands, which you paid $5 for. Following that path can be illuminating.

For our purposes let us imagine ourselves on a small family farm somewhere in the north of Colombia in 2015. The crop for the year was good - better than anticipated actually - so it ended up selling for around $1.75 per pound instead of $2 - but the consumer still ended up paying $12 a pound, so how is it that the overabundance of coffee beans failed to reflect a lower consumer price?

I spent an afternoon researching this and crunching the numbers that were offiially released by the various industries who handle coffee beans as it makes its way from the farm to your hand, and what I found was, well, rather disturbing.

The farmers grow the coffee and then sell it - as green beans - to a coffee exporter for $1.75 a pound, which was the established fair trade price at the time.

The exporter who contracts with the farmers to purchase their crops collects the crops with their trucks and hauls it to their warehouse, where it is then combined with the crops from other farmers - though it is the same type so no worries there - and is packaged in 1000 lb palette bags.

In a gesture of solidarity with Juan, I get up at 05:30 and prepare the fields for planting...

A coffee importer purchases these bags of green beans from the exporter for a per-unit price of $2000 (which works out to $2 per pound). The Importer then ships the pallet bags to its warehouses in the country (or countries) it does business in, then repackages the coffee in 50 lb bags, and sells it to the roasters for a per unit price of $112.50 (or $2.25 per pound).

The Roasters then take these bags of green beans and roast them - which you may be interested to know actually reduces the volume of a typical pound of green beans from 1 lb to .82 pounds - which is roughly a shrinkage of 18%. If we apply that to the value of the coffee what we get is $2.75 per pound.

The Roaster has to factor in all sorts of expenses - not just the tax and import fees and shipping and transportation costs, but also labor on several sides, packaging costs, and storage for example. A liberal assessment of the costs on the Roaster's part might make the overall cost of that 1 lb of roasted coffee to something like $6. Of course the Roaster needs to make a profit from that product, so they might set the per-pound price at $7.50 which is what the coffee shops, cafes, and restaurants end up paying - but not the consumer!

If we can digress for a moment, the coffee you buy, whether it is a can or bag off of the shelf at your grocers, or a bag from your favorite coffee house, you are buying commercially-packaged coffee that was assembled in a factory whose business it is to create 1 lb packages of roasted coffee intended to be sold to consumers, who will brew it at home. This is NOT the same coffee that you buy in the cafe or coffee house, even IF it has their label on its packaging.

The coffee that you buy by the cup from your favorite cafe or coffee shop was brewed from roasted beans that were purchased from the Roaster, usually packaged in 5 or 10 pound lots. It is not packaged for or intended for sale to consumers - it is meant to be brewed by the cafe / coffee house and sold, by the cup, to consumers. So yeah, not the same thing at all.

Now the typical pound of coffee will, when brewed, create an average of 50 4 oz cups - which is great if you are drinking coffee from 4 oz cups at your church or Boy Scout meeting, but coffee is not purchased in 4 oz. cups at coffee shops or cafes, it is typically bought in 16 oz cups, which changes the yield to 16 cups per pound. So the ultimate per-pound cost is going to depend on who you bought your cup of coffee from. Examples! We need examples!

The following applies to regular cups of coffee - not Cappuccino, or Latte, or some other drink that contains coffee - but a standard 16 oz cup of joe. You can add your own creamer or sugar if you want, but that does not really factor in here.

A 16 oz cup of coffee at our local Starbucks costs us $3.25 - so the per-pound price works out to $52. That pound of coffee cost Starbucks $7.50 and so, before labor, the cost of the cup, the energy used to brew it, water, and other costs, Starbucks made $44.50 from it.

A cup of coffee at our local Dunkin' Donuts costs us $2.29 - so the per-pound price works out to $36.64. That pound of coffee cost Double-D $7.50 and so, before labor, the cost of the cup, the energy used to brew it, water, and other costs, they made $29.14 from it.

Sure this is not thousands of dollars... Or is it? I asked the local Dunkin' coffee jockey how much coffee they sell on a typical day - but as they only worked the morning shift they could not tell me that. But they could tell me what they did on a good weekday morning - which they said averaged around 575 cups of regular coffee.

According to my math, that average of 575 cups works out to just over 36 pounds of coffee, which is $270 at cost and a profit of $1,049.04 so hey, yeah, it IS thousands!

Before I tell you that this brings us to the Dunkin' Donuts where the incident took place I wanted to point out that the figures I offer here are mostly estimated and are based on publicly available numbers. If you disagree with them, okay. They are presented as a general estimate here. That is all. And now, this is where we arrive at the Dunkin' Donuts where the incident took place.

Les statistiques suggèrent que la famille typique de 2016 tous jeux - et ici, à quatre pins ferme, c'est certainement vrai. Maman (photographié ci-dessus) préfère sa Nintendo 3DS ; Sœur est un PC Gamer, tandis que Papy et Junior préfèrent le One Xbox.

09:35 @ Dunkin' Donuts

The menu item at Double-D listed as “Hash Browns” are described as: “Our hash browns are lightly seasoned, crispy bites of gooDDness. Pair them with your breakfast sandwich and your morning pit stop gets even more tasty.”

In fact (and in my considered opinion) what the Double-D Hash Browns are is a custom-take on the 'Tater Tot” (a uniquely American invention) distinctly flavored with dried garlic and onion, a pinch of celery salt, and golden-fried goodness that is best enjoyed on-site. 

They just do not travel well, and they do not re-warm well. In fact to get the best quality taste experience, just like with the fries at McDonalds, one needs to consume them as soon as conveniently possible.  Which is what I proceeded to do - taking my coffee, my sandwich, and my two bags of "Hash Browns" to the back corner table in the tiny dining area of the Double-D.

That is when the incident happened.  

I will try to recreate what happened - and what was said - from memory as best I can.  Some of it I might get slightly wrong, but you will still get the gist of what transpired, to the best of my abilities.

The Incident

“Why do you waste your time playing video games?” the voice asked.

I looked up from the screen of my laptop on which I was in the midst of a game of Pyramid, and looked around, unsure where the question originated.  I reminded myself that the person was talking at me, so I looked for who was looking at me.  Two people were looking at me - a middle-aged woman, and a tween boy sitting at the table next to me.

Pyramid is a card game that is part of Microsoft's Solitaire Collection - a free video game that pretty much comes free with Windows 10.  Actually it's one of a bunch of games created specifically for Windows 10 that you can download for free via the Microsoft Online Store.  When you go the Free Route you get the game - with some ads injected into it.  Upgrade to Premium and you lose the ads.

I promise this is not a commercial for Microsoft but, in addition to the game I was playing - Pyramid Solitaire - the suite also contains versions of Klondike, Spider, Freecell, and TriPeaks. 

There are other free games - all of them fun - that you can download free versions of - including Mahjong, Jigsaw, Sudoku, Bingo, Minesweeper, Treasure Hunt, Jackpot (a video slot machine), and Age of Empires: Castle Siege.The price is right for these games and they really are a lot of fun, but they are also pretty addictive.  Fair warning mates.

The voice clearly belonged to the middle-aged woman and, by the expression on the tween's face, he found this very embarrassing.  It was also pretty clear that Mom had done this before - because he did not look surprised so much as he did resigned.  

Asking a question like that - a personal question that was clearly prompted by intrusive observation - well I don't know about you but I consider that pretty ballsy for a stranger to do.  A perfect stranger I might add, because as I carefully examined the face, and then accessed my personal memory database of faces, I was reasonably certain that I did not know this woman.

I might have responded with any number of answers depending on a whim... 

I could have said “Did you know that all of these games are fully compliant with the Xbox Live game license requirements? They each include Achievements and they each offer varying levels of social play?” 

Or I might have said “I am addicted to the daily challenges scheme as it allows me to spend the gold I earn completing each daily challenge on expansions or game customization content!”

I might have replied “Mind your own business, Sheesh!” 

Or I could have asked why she cared? What was it to her? 

Instead I calmly replied: “You feel that game play is a waste of time?”

“Yes I do!” she instantly answered. 

LADY U R NO FUN AN WE FINKZ UR KIDZ HATE U!

“My kids would spend all of their free time playing video games if I let them," she told me.  "Instead I encourage them to spend their time doing things that make their lives better or teach them useful skills. 

"If they must find entertainment, why not find that entertainment in a good book?” she asked.

“So you are saying that games - video games - have no redeeming qualities whatsoever?” I asked.  I was trying very hard not to show just how surprised and taken aback I felt at her words.

“Of course they don't," she quickly replied - her tone and facial expression indicating to me that she really believed what she was saying.

"You had to spend good money on them; they don't give you anything tangible in return,” she pointed out.

“Actually that's not true,” I shook my head. 

“A recent study at Oxford University indicates that an hour of game play daily is linked with better-adjusted children and teenagers - kids who game regularly were found to be more sociable, happier overall, and less hyperactive," I pointed out.

“Another study in New Zealand revealed that regular video game play is beneficial for positive aging in senior citizens. In addition to being happier overall, seniors who game also have better decision-making skills and are more aware of their surroundings."

I could tell by the expression on her face that she suspected I was making all of this up.

“A bunch of studies completed over the past five years have concluded that regular game play helps to improve preschoolers' motor skills, improves vision, and is therapeutic for children with chronic illnesses," I quickly add.  “Video games have also been found to reduce stress and depression, and have been proven to provide pain relief in patients suffering from chronic pain and also for patients in post-surgical recovery."

Her mouth opened, her eyes darted down and to her left - she was about to speak and she was thinking about what she was going to say first.  Before she could decide on her reply I plowed on.

“Another study suggests that games set in historical environments - like the Assassin's Creed series - increases interest in learning about history and other cultures; it also teaches and reinforces problem-solving skills, and helps to build social skills, which are all good things if you ask me.  I am guessing that basically everything you think you know about video games is probably wrong” I added. 

Every year around April 15 the folks from Penny Arcade throw a protest event called PAX East where thousands of parents get together and force their kids to watch them play video games in order to teach them how evil and totally no fun this modern era electronic curse really is.  The kids all realize how much they are not having fun playing video games and vow never to play video games again, then the government refunds all of the tax dollars their parents have ever payed and everyone goes down to Boston Harbor and throws their tea bags into the water screaming "This is NOT my Prius!"  Because 'Merica!

She stared at me like I was a bug on a wall for an even dozen heartbeats, took a few long and considered breaths, and then shook her head, the motion extending all the way to her shoulders like a wet dog.

“Is any of that true?” she demanded.

“All of it," I replied, nodding my head in what I hopeed would be interpreted as vigorous motion and not the uncontrolled spasms of the emotionally disturbed.

"You know when I was a kid my parents told me that video games were a waste of time - you can't make a living playing video games my Mum used to say.”

“And your mother was right!” she agreed, glancing at the tween sitting across from her with a knowing and smug expression on her face.  He did not like that one little bit I could see, but this one had pretty good manners, as he refrained from sharing just how much he didn't like it with us.

“Actually no, she was wrong,” I replied. Score one for our team - the tween had to stifle a grin.

“Oh? What do you do for a living?” she asked.

“I'm a games journalist,” I answered.  "And I write online walkthrough guides to help gamers get through the more complicated parts of different games.”

“You're kidding?” she said, illustrating with an exaggerated frown that her response, roughly translated, really meant "You lying sack of bovine excrement!"

“Is that why you know so much about those studies?” She quickly added - as if to indicate that maybe - just maybe - she believed me.  A little.

“Why yes it is,” I confirmed. 

“It's part of the beat I write on so I have to stay current. Besides,” I quickly add, “I like playing video games.”

To be fair I probably shouldn't have smirked, but to be honest here I was pretty offended by both her tone of voice and the words she chose to use.  There was a LOT going on between the lines in this conversation, of that I was certain.

But before I made it worse, I caught the expression on the face of the tween boy.  He had been calmly sitting there, taking it all in, but now he spoke.

“Bet you wish you hadn't asked him that question now, huh Mom?”

She growled at him.